Doin Thangs

Nobody wants to hire me and I suck. In other news, I'm writing a sketch show for the opening of a new dinner-theatre at Tolani Restaurant. It's a very posh and very expensive bar on the upper west side. The stage is currently being built in the downstairs dining room, and they're planning on opening the show in mid-December. Jordyn refered me to a girl in our neighborhood, Amy, whom she met on the train. We thought she was a film maker, and I was looking for film makers to make other projects of mine. It turned out that she wasn't a film maker, she's an actor and she works at Tolani. She told me about the dinner-theatre that's in production, and they needed a writer for the first show. More updates to come.

Hanging at Tolani, I was fed free cocktails and wine, which usually runs at $12 to $15 a drink. I was given a pickle and cucumber martini, and it was probably the tastiest and most refreshing thing I've ever had. After that, I followed Amy and her crew to the Auction House just across Central Park. This place is hard to describe, mainly because I was drunk. What I remember is lots of red velvet seating and large Baroque style paintings on the walls. It was really dark and I felt like I was in a game of Clue. I talked to a guy who spoke Spanish, but I didn't tell him I didn't speak Spanish. I just stood there while he talked at me for probably 10 minutes, I just nodded my head. I guess I couldn't think of anything better to do.

I joined a band, Inis Oirr. They're cool people. After my intro practice with them, Jordyn and I went to Atlantic Ave to the Trader Joe's. We thought they had 3 dollar bottles of wine, but they didn't because apparently grocery stores can't sell wine in the state of New York. Which is crazy talk. We were about a mile away, and the store was closing in 10 minutes, so I ran the rest of the way. I got to the door and had to argue with the guy to let me in. I stumbled through the aisles, exhausted. I looked like the guy in Outbreak who sold the monkey to the pet shop in the beginning. There was no wine. Only warm beer.

I had an interview today with Teachers College at Columbia University. If I get this I can leave the diner. Hello? Can you hear me God? It's Ryan. I know we don't rap that much anymore, but if you could take a minute and get me this job, I sware I'll stop masturbating. Thanks.